North Shore Collaborative: Grief and Loss

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	Resource Topics Abuse Domestic Violence Sexual Assault/Abuse Alcohol and Drug Use/Abuse Bullying & Intimidation Educational Issues Fetal Alcohol Syndrome/Effect Learning Disabilities & Special Education School Attendance & Truancy Grief and Loss Mental Health for Children & Youth ADD/ADHD Depression Eating Disorders Self Injury Money Matters Parenting Sex and Sexuality		Grief & Loss Grief is often a forgotten process. Many teens are labeled as depressed who really need grief support. Too often, grief support is only given immediately after a death or loss, when, in fact, support is critical long after. Grief is not something that simply goes away in time. It is often referred to as a journey: a journey involving both grief and mourning. Grief is what we think and feel on the inside and mourning is the outward expression of those thoughts and feelings. For healing and reconciliation to occur, both grief and mourning must be experienced. The grief journey is often intensified on holidays or special occasions throughout the year. Teens also experience loss after a relationship ends. Perhaps a family splits up after a divorce, or a romantic relationship ends for the youth. If we remember that grief is a process that never ends, we can change perceptions that the bereaved person will "get over it". People need to tell their story to continually connect with the fact that they have a new reality. Instead of worrying about saying the right thing, we can just be a friend and use our listening skills. Don't be afraid to talk about the person who has died. It may be difficult but it is helpful to the person who is grieving in order to come to terms with the meaning of their loss. Mental health support may be helpful to people suffering grief and loss, and it can come in many forms: psychological professionals, spiritual advisors, friends and family. Northern Minnesota is fortunate to have an expert in this area: Ben Wolfe, M.Ed., founder and director of St. Mary's/Duluth Clinic Health System's Grief Support Center, is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker, and a nationally certified Grief Counselor and Death Educator. Wolfe and his staff provide individual and family bereavement counseling. Ben currently facilitates various grief support groups for youth and adults. Wolfe is chair of the 400-member Minnesota Coalition for Death Education and Support and is a past-president of the Association for Death Education and Counseling (ADEC), an international organization with over 2,000 members. He has presented over 1,500 workshops, training programs and keynote addresses at the local, state, national and international levels. Bereavement Checklist The following are from the Grief Support Center at St. Mary's Duluth Clinic (SMDC). Each person is different, so beware of ready- made solutions. This checklist offers information to consider which may or may not fit your situation. Psychological Everyone needs some help -- don't be afraid to accept it. We need to express our feelings to those we trust. We must make our needs known. Often numbness sees us through the first few days or weeks. Don't be surprised if a letdown comes later. Many people are more emotionally upset during bereavement than at any other time in their lives and are frightened by this. Severe upset is not unusual; a professional opinion can help us understand this. Needing company is common and does not mean a person will always be dependent on it. Needing time to be alone is also normal. There is no set time limit for grieving. It varies from person to person, depending on individual circumstances. Physical It is easy to neglect oneself because we don't much care at a time of grief. Bereavement equals great stress. Illness or disease can strike when we are more susceptible. It is especially important to pay attention to our health. Try to eat reasonably even if there is no enjoyment in it. Although sleep may be disturbed, try to get adequate rest. Ask a doctor to check out any suspicious health symptoms. Seeing a doctor may not make sense right away, but do it anyway. Social Friends and family cannot guess your needs. Don't be afraid of new relationships, but try not to rush into them. Sometimes, in an effort to stop the pain of grief, people turn towards replacing the lost person (e.g., adoption of a child, remarriage) too soon. It is hard to see new relationships objectively while still actively grieving and this kind of solution may only lead to other problems. Try to make clear to children that sadness is perfectly normal and that neither theirs nor yours need to be hidden. It is important that periods of happiness are enjoyed and not a cause of guilty feelings. Economic Avoid hasty decisions. Try not to make major life decisions within the first year unless absolutely necessary. In general, most people find it best to remain settled in familiar surroundings until they can consider their future calmly. Don't be afraid to seek good advice. Usually it is wise to get more than one opinion before making decisions. Don't make any major financial decisions without talking them over with experts. Having a job or doing volunteer work in the community can be helpful when you are ready but it is important not to overextend yourself. Spiritual Personal faith is frequently a major source of comfort during bereavement. For some, however, maintaining faith may be difficult during this period of loss. Either reaction may occur, or both are consistent with later spiritual growth. Local Resources Grief Support Center St. Mary's Duluth Clinic (SMDC) 407 E. Third St. Duluth, MN 55805 (218) 786-4402 Human Development Center Grand Marais: (218) 387-9444 Silver Bay: (218) 266-3190 Two Harbors: (218) 834-5520 Sawtooth Mountain Clinic Grand Marais (218) 387-2330 Superior Health Medical Group Two Harbors (218) 834-7200 Two Harbors Ministerial Association Pastor Phil Berge (218) 834-4158 Local churches may also offer Grief Support groups. State Resources Minnesota Coalition of Death Education & Support bwolfe@smdc.org National Resources Compassionate Friends: Grief support after the death of a child www.compassionatefriends.org Focus Adolescent Services: Grief http://www.focusas.com/Grief.html Grief Net: Online community dealing with grief, death & major loss griefnet.org Grief Share www.griefshare.org National Center for Grieving Children & Families www.grievingchild.org National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization www.nho.org Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors www.taps.org Disclaimer: Listing of resources and websites is for informational purposes only. Inclusion does not indicate endorsement of any resources or website.

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